It’s all about the Earrings…

Earringsbest

When I first fractured my wrist in September 2011, I could not believe how disabled I was being 1 hand down. The plaster came between my fingers so I could not use it to grip anything. Being a solo parent the first major disaster was not being able to drive, not being able to leave the house and go somewhere unless I relied on someone else but after a few days I started to see the magnitude of the things I couldn’t do – I just wanted to suck it up and look forward to when I had the plaster off and life would go back to it’s normal hectic pace.

I would turn up at the hospital for my check ups feeling completely dishevelled with my head down hoping I wouldn’t run into anyone that knew me. My mask that I would put on everytime I left the house was stripped from me. My blowdried hair, my makeup, and my beloved costume jewellery – my signature mark – the things that made me feel good about myself was completely impossible for me to do. My poor teenage son was called numerous times to help me take my bra off (I had to be really desperate to ask him…I thought that no amount of therapy would be able to fix that. Then a friend of mine told me that she had to look after her dad for many years when she was a teenager and I didn’t feel so bad)

Cooking was completely out of the picture – Jacob cooked or Mum would bring over meals. I could manage to make a cup of coffee but had to have a “Big Lunch” packed for me when I was alone. Showering was impossible – I just never felt clean enough. Losing your dominant hand was difficult. I tried so hard not to make a big deal of it – afterall people break bones every day but between the excruciating pain and basically not being able to do anything but watch tv (I couldn’t hold a book) was so horribly irritating and everyone who would listen heard about it. I was just angry it felt that everything had been taken away and there never seemed to be an end in sight as to when this bloody purple plaster was coming off. I hated myself and I hated how irritable I was – this couldn’t finish soon enough so I could just wear my earrings again and feel like me. I fought my mother long and hard to have my ears pierced (at 15).

There was a bus down the street that ran every few hours into the middle of the suburb I lived in and somedays just for giggles I would hop on the bus go down into Kallangur – poke around the Salvation Army store and bring back hot KFC on the bus!

Not long after the plaster had come off my arm I was at the Redcliffe hospital again, waiting to see another doctor to get another opinion. Mum and I had seats right in the main walkway, I had my head bent over into my lap while another wave of pain hit dripping with sweat. We had a great view of everyone coming through and as you know when you are in a waiting room at a hospital everyone that passes gets noticed. I could hear the clip clip clip of high heeled shoes so I naturally looked up. This woman mid 50’s well dressed business attire, hair done, makeup, high heals button down shirt, even a zippered skirt, earrings, necklace and sporting a very fetching purple plaster on her arm. I couldn’t stop looking at her. She looked amazing. HOW CAN SHE MAKE PLASTER LOOK LIKE A FASHION STATEMENT? But she did. I instantly hated her, this woman that obviously had her husband (coz she had one) dress her (No idea on the makeup though). She was walking tall and proud so she wasn’t sporting any pain either. I looked at myself – my fuzzy curly flyaway hair that hadn’t been blowdried or cut in 12 weeks, my pull on jeans and slip on T shirt because I couldn’t do up a zip or buttons and my rubber thongs because I couldn’t get any other shoes on. I was stripped bare it had taken every bit of my self esteem away and I was exposed – warts and all. And my earrings? In my jewellery case at home.

Just a few weeks ago I was driving myself to the GP which is only 10 minutes away, cranked up to my tens machine but still really struggling with the pain. I got almost half way there and had to check myself. What am I wearing? I had to look down to make sure I wasn’t in my pj’s as I really wasn’t sure. I hadn’t even looked in the mirror before I left to make sure I was decent enough to leave the house.

No matter how bad this CRPS gets – there still must be earrings.

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Aside

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. mybeautfulthings
    Feb 27, 2013 @ 02:15:05

    I agree! We must have earrings! This is a very moving post. 🙂

    Reply

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