My 40 Days of Rejection

luke and jules

Noone likes rejection, especially not 40 days of it. But one Loughborough graduate has set himself the ultimate challenge. It involves completing 40 different tasks where risk of failure is almost certain.
The idea was sparked by Caleb Meakin’s need to address his fear of failure and he’s called his journey ‘My 40 Days of Rejection’.
The public vote on what challenge he should face next via his Facebook page and each challenge is shot on video and uploaded to his Youtube channel and also journalised on his blog

The crusade caught my attention on ‘Day 15’ where Caleb finds himself unwittingly giving a lecture on neuroscience to a room of King’s College medical students, completely unprepared and without a clue about what he is talking about. Not only are these challenges funny to watch, but the 40 day concept itself is inspiring to all those who have experienced the immobilizing fear of failure.

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The Chronic Illness Dictionary: Crash

Wings Like Eagles in the Desert: A Journey through the Wilderness of Chronic Illness

Crash -v  When the world you want to live in (the healthy world) and the world you do live in (the chronic illness world) collide. When you become completely drained due to rapid depletion of all that adrenaline you used to get through that social event, work task, household project, vacation, et cetera. When you don’t need just a nap to recover, you need a week of sleep and leave me alone to recooperate, thank you very much.

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What I would tell my 16 year old self..

A friend of mine asked me to go through my photos and find some of her while she was at school. Sure, I say and then find myself intrenched in these old photos.

At 16 life had been hard, I had lost my dad when I was 13 to what is now called Meningococcal and was also having a lot of issues with a violent brother at home. But still I look into these 16 year old eyes and there is still a spark, that hope for an unknown future. I wonder what that 16 year old girl would say if I told her of her future in her forties. That she would require the service of carers to shower her. That the pain she felt 24 hours a day would leave her bedridden many days a week and battered on the others.


I look in to my eyes at 31 and life has thrown more and more curveballs, deaths of close family and friends, an abusive marriage, knee operations but still there is hope for a new future as a newly single lady. I think by this time most definately the curveballs HAVE to be over – but there is still stalking, restraining orders abduction, bankruptcy, redundancy, more close deaths to go until 40.


At 40 completely battered from every dam storm there seemed to be waiting for me.  Surely 40 is where life will begin? I am worse for wear but still I smile and I can still see that spark

I have to soldier on, keeping right here, right now, not yesterday, not tomorrow and take each moment and find the blessing.  There are still many – Thank goodness for that.


Japanese Fan

Japanese fan

Ah New Paper comes new ideas 🙂


A new Poem – I Wish……

I really fell in love with this poem one of my fellow bloggers Patrick has written about his Dad that has Dementia.

But it was worth it….

exhausted1 bearA day in bed sleeping through the pain. Thank goodness the Endone worked today as I have become resistant to it again and have tried to go Cold Turkey for a few days. My carer came to shower me and couldn’t believe who answered the door – she had never seen this. Someone that could barely find the words to speak, slumped over, walking into walls and holding the arm like a precious baby. I could hear her talking but I just couldn’t make out what she was saying. She looked very concerned – more so when I was doubled over in the shower chair crying from the sharp waves of pain coming over me. She dressed me, got me back into bed and brought me a hot coffee.

But it was worth it….

Boom or Bust they say, well that’s what I did to myself yesterday. I decided “To Hell with this shit, I am gonna have a great day out with my boy” Half way through the day I knew it was too late to take those thoughts back 🙂 I decided that we would have lunch out and then go see a movie. Sounds relatively easy doesn’t it?

The biggest problem for me going to a shopping centre is the walk across the carpark – I am spent before I enter the front door and I really need to look into a disabled parking ticket. We had too much time to spare between finishing lunch and the movie starting to we had a little walk brousing the shops. That’s when things escalated and I really didn’t thing I could make it through the movie. But I did. We then drove to 2 other shops before heading home. The lunch was beautiful, the movie “The Host” was excellent and of course the company of Master Shazz – exceptional. Every single muscle and joint in my body was screaming but it was worth it.

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